February 25, 2014 in Features

The Slice: For your thumb’s sake, carry cash

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Let’s start with a reader challenge.

What movie quote that more or less deals with collecting a debt would you recommend to a Girl Scout encountering deadbeats? You know, people who ordered several boxes of cookies but now, upon delivery, say they don’t have any cash on them?

I’ll go first.

“Mr. Gazzo says I should get the $200 or break your thumb.” – Rocky Balboa in “Rocky”

Just adjust the dollar amount.

“This is what happens when you (deleted) a man in the (deleted).” – Walter Sobchak in “The Big Lebowski”

On second thought, maybe not.

“In times of economic uncertainty, never ever (deleted) with another man’s livelihood.” – Guido in “Risky Business”

Just sub in “a Girl Scout’s” for “another man’s.”

“Somebody’s got to pay.” – Walker in “Point Blank”

The Scout would want to make sure there is menace in her voice.

“Give me $200 each, for your own protection. And I’ll forget the insult.” – Don Fanucci in “The Godfather: Part II”

Again, simply adjust the dollar amount.

“You don’t pay me? You’re gonna get your thumbs broken again.” – Bert Gordon in “The Hustler”

Just leave off “again.”

OK, your turn.

When mail goes astray: “My aunt sent me a hilarious letter regarding her colonoscopy,” wrote Meg Parker. “When I had my first experience with this test, I sent her a similar letter designed to make her laugh. Along with the letter I included a nice panoramic picture of our new home which she had not seen.”

Parker stuck that envelope in her streetside mailbox for pickup.

A day or two later, a neighbor she had not met stopped by and told her she had found the letter (but not the envelope) scattered along the road.

Apparently some lowlife had gone through the contents of Parker’s mailbox and then simply tossed it aside.

The neighbor had identified Parker from the picture of the house included with the colonoscopy humor.

“She had no doubt read the letter,” said Parker. “What a way to become acquainted with the neighbors.”

Today’s Slice question: What’s your secret Bloomsday training tip?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Name the animal that March will come in like.

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