She’s trying to use wealth as excuse

Dear Carolyn:

My girlfriend and I recently broke up after two years together. She came from a wealthy background, and myself from an upper-middle- class family. Despite not being as wealthy, I felt that I made up for that in other areas. I always cooked and cleaned, I paid for monthly trips and activities together, bought her flowers every two weeks and gave her rides.

Long story short, she started seeing another guy while seeing me. I found out and we broke up.

After three months, we started talking. She told me her dad never wanted to meet me because I wasn’t good enough, and that she started seeing that, too.

I may not be rich, but I do well for myself. I’m finishing school, I have my own place, pay my own bills, take care of the cats that we bought together. It just seems like such a left field thing for her to say. I can understand that her dad may think this. But my girlfriend thinks this way now, too?

Maybe I am just naive, but love should be judged on a person’s heart, not their wallet. Am I wrong?

– Heartbroken in California

You aren’t naive to think love should be judged on heart above wallet, no.

But you are naive to think this belief applies to her. (Two years, no meeting Dad. Missed sign?) Your girlfriend found someone else, and the rest is just words and justifications and, I suspect, excuses, since blaming you must be tempting for her when she’s the one who behaved badly and the one who’s supposedly superior. I envision your cats gacking hairballs on that one.

Think of it this way: If she agrees with Daddy about judging you by anything besides your character, then that’s deplorable. That she would tell you this is even more so. If she doesn’t agree with her father but is appeasing him, then that’s just weak.

So, yes, do judge love by a person’s heart – and see that, unless she does some tough work on her priorities, her heart isn’t worthy of yours.