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Miss Manners: Be careful banning kids from holidays

Mon., Jan. 6, 2014

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have hosted Christmas dinner for my family for many years. This year, my nephew’s children, while unsupervised, destroyed a decoration.

My nephew’s stance was that my home is not “child-proofed.” I informed him that children need to learn not to touch everything that they see. His response, in essence, was that I am too particular.

I no longer desire to invite this nephew to my home. How do I leave him out without offending his mother (my sister) and his cousins, who are very close to him? Shall I inform him now that he and his family are no longer welcome, or just leave him out next year?

GENTLE READER: Ah, the holiday spirit lingers on.

Are you seriously telling Miss Manners that you are cutting off members of the family because children broke a decoration?

You have a whole year to work this out. And if you don’t, you will not hold another family Christmas dinner, because those relatives who are close to him will join him in banishment.

That is one of your choices. The graceful way to arrange that would be simply to say that you have given the dinner for many years, but now feel that it is someone else’s turn.

The alternative is to have a quiet talk with your nephew and the children’s mother, if she is in the picture. In a charmingly self-deprecating way, you should admit to being particular, and having a household that is not geared to the infrequent visits of children.

But, you should add, you enjoy those visits, and ask their help in making them pleasant for all. Could there be some organized play, with adult supervision? Or would that not be necessary by next year, when the children will be older and more responsible? Or would the parents rather take over being the hosts so that their children will be at home?

If kindly said, this will serve as a warning. But as a precaution, Miss Manners suggests enlisting another family member to watch the children.


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