January 7, 2014 in Features

The Slice: New Year calls for new excuses

By The Spokesman-Review
 

It’s time to consider why you failed to stick to your New Year’s resolutions.

The Slice has provided some possible explanations. Feel free to borrow any that might assist in describing your experience with trying to change.

You were going to … read important books: Meant to get started on that, but there were some good games on TV.

… drink more water: Well, I started out OK. But most of my work and family commitments require that I occasionally not be in the bathroom.

… clean up your language: Still find it hard to resist muttering vulgar emphasizers when reading letters to the editor.

… plant a vegetable garden this year: That might happen.

… sharply reduce the amount of sugar and salt in your diet: Do you know what food tastes like without that?

… curtail after-dinner snacking: It turned out my favorite shows aren’t the same without treats.

… stop visiting online sites that could be embarrassing if someone else reviewed your search history: Meant to, but then I started thinking about a certain celebrity in sweaters.

… be patient with your kids: Ahahahahahaha. That’s right, I was. Well, you can’t win ’em all.

… keep your cat in to prevent it from hunting: Cat overruled me.

… start using your real name when commenting online: But then people would know who I am.

… speak up and say what you really think at work: The bosses at my office do not really crave candor from employees.

… experiment with exciting new food and beverage options: Yes, I was. But I have discovered that there’s a reason I enjoy my old standbys.

… lose 10 pounds: Upon reflection, that seems like more of a warm-weather deal.

… go out more: Yes, but it turns out that few things pass the “Would it be better than kicking back in my recliner?” test.

… start each day with push-ups: It is easier to just get right in the shower.

… improve your oral hygiene regimen: Decided to go with a new hairstyle instead.

Today’s Slice question: Was your mother a good cook?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Some people make gagging sounds when cleaning out the fridge.


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