Miss Manners:

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m at a loss as to how to respond to various inquiries while I’m pregnant. I’m a relatively private person, and so while I’m happy to share personal health and family matters with close friends, I’m caught off guard by acquaintances and co-workers who ask all sorts of questions.

I have resigned myself to the novelty others find in my condition and their desire to talk about it, such that I’ll share my due date, that I’ll be happy whether the baby is a boy or a girl, and that we’re very happy about our future new family member.

The question that is asked most frequently, though, is, “How do you feel?” I usually reply with my usual, “I’m fine, how are you?” as if they had instead asked me, “How are you?”

I swear that I hear a quiet “thud” after my reply, as if they were expecting more. Am I expected to be exuberant at being reminded that I’m pregnant? Should I share how I really am feeling, with reports of itching in unspeakable places and generally feeling enormous?

GENTLE READER: Thank you, no – although it would likely eliminate further questioning. Your response is perfect. Ignore the ensuing thud (unless of course it is accompanied by the breaking of water, in which case you should probably get yourself to a hospital).

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should I loan a small amount of money to a friend?

GENTLE READER: If you are sure that you can, if necessary, spare both.