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Carolyn Hax: Friend never asked who leaked pregnancy news

Hi, Carolyn: Many years ago I had a good friend who shared the news of her pregnancy with me and one other girl, with instructions not to tell anyone else until a certain date (after the first trimester). Then, we were supposed to share the news with all to spare her the necessity of telling everyone herself.

I kept her request faithfully, but the news got out early anyway. I was blamed and heavily criticized for breaking the promise after the other girl pointed the finger at me.

I was shocked and, as is typical for me, did not say much because I did not understand at first what was really going on. Then, because she was pregnant, I did not want this to escalate and cause a lot of drama and I guessed the lying friend probably would not have told the truth anyway. I was crushed that she never even asked me what the truth was.

We do not live in the same area anymore but part of me would like to finally set the record straight. Is that a good idea? – Not Bad Guy

The problem here was structural, and significant: You thought you were a friend, and she thought you were under contract to her company, All About Me LLC. Asking you for your side of the story is what a friend would have done; firing you unceremoniously is what an employer would do – an incompetent one, at least.

Next time you see her, sure, ask her rhetorically, “Did it ever occur to you that I wasn’t the one, way back in the day, who leaked your pregnancy news?” Just don’t expect satisfaction – it’s the articulating, not the response, you’re after, because history says this woman will not vindicate you.

And even if she does, don’t allow yourself back within her reach. Per your description, she apparently remains unaware that feelings other than her own matter, and that friendships run two ways. You were a good friend who valued her, yes, but I’m not seeing where she returned that favor.



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