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Miss Manners: Wedding gift not condition of admission

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a phone call from a friend who complimented me on my daughter’s wedding invitation. We spoke briefly; then she shared with me that her husband had just lost his job. She then asked me if it would be all right if they postponed their gift until a later date, when they would be in a better position financially.

How or what was the best way to handle this? I was totally thrown off guard and had never heard of anyone doing something like this.

My attitude has always been, “If you can’t afford to tip, you shouldn’t be going to a restaurant.” I would have said we are unable to attend the reception due to finances; however, we will be there to see her get married. Am I wrong or being too sensitive?

GENTLE READER: Wrong and insensitive is more like it.

Miss Manners will begin with your etiquette misdemeanors and build up to your crime against the very foundation of manners:

(1) You are wrong that wedding presents must be given at the time of the wedding. Anything up to a year afterward is acceptable.

(2) You are even more wrong to believe that presents are a condition of admission to a wedding celebration.

(3) Your reaction to the misfortune of someone you call a friend is so wrong it is frightening. The correct response would have been, “Don’t even think about that. The important thing is that we want you there.”

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