July 21, 2014 in Features

The Slice: It’s all about reaching the finish line first

By The Spokesman-Review

If you are having breakfast, don’t read the last item.

OK, you are now free to proceed.

Mulling the death notices: “For a long time, I have questioned the placement of obituaries in the sports section,” wrote Michal Frye. “Sports are about competition, so I ask myself: Are the obits in some way a final chance for people to ‘win’? Is the winner for each day the person who lived the longest? Had the most accolades? I do not wish to sound insensitive but, after all, someday my name will appear in that section. Should I try to outlive my peers? Get more degrees? Have more hobbies? Just wondering.”

Old business: In the matter of “If those who hate bicycle riders had their way…” one reader suggested Spokane cyclists would be rounded up and sent to special retraining camps to get their minds right.

And most answering the question about what local TV news reporter Slice readers would not allow to interview them named anchors and weather people. That suggests that either the question was not clear or some do not know the difference between reporters and anchors. In any case, no one named the reporter who strikes me as unhinged.

Garbage and summer temperatures: “This past 4th of July featured a leftover turkey that had been frozen since last Turkey Day and brought to the lake for a feast,” wrote Ellen Ostheller last week. “It was delicious and the meal memorable. As I was heading home, I volunteered to bring the garbage and recyclables.”

When she got home, she tossed the refuse in the appropriate bins. About four days later, she started wondering what had died back in the alley.

“Yup, the turkey carcass was in those garbage sacks, which I should have remembered. By the following garbage day, a good six days in the heat, the stench was about unbearable. I am surprised my neighbors didn’t mutiny and toss me and the can to the curb.”

Finally, the odoriferous trash was collected.

“It’s a good thing Thanksgiving is usually accompanied by freezing temperatures.”

Today’s Slice question: What’s in your secret stash?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Does it still bug you that Boeing moved its corporate headquarters to Chicago?

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