July 23, 2014 in Features

Miss Manners: Online status: Leave me alone

Judith Martin

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I enjoy the convenience of being able to access the Internet from my home. Lately, however, it seems that whenever I log on to look up a piece of information or dash off a quick note, friends or relatives who have placed me on their “buddy list” are alerted to my presence online and initiate instant-messaging conversations.

I find this unsettling, much as I would if these same friends or relatives received an alert when I picked up a book, turned on the television or pursued any other activity. If I ignore their instant messages, they will know I am online and choosing not to respond.

Is there any polite way to prevent these interruptions? Otherwise, how quickly may I end these conversations without being rude? These are people I would be happy to hear from by telephone or regular email, so I don’t wish to offend them.

GENTLE READER: It took a long time for the computer industry to realize that people who were wonders at inventing new gadgets were not necessarily equally adept at fielding customer calls or writing instruction manuals.

Miss Manners has noticed that the industry has yet to make the same realization with regard to electronic manners.

The “status update” that you refer to is an engineer’s solution to a manners problem – and not a good one. One imagines that homeowners who did not wish to receive callers faced a similar dilemma with the invention of the electric light, since throwing the switch alerted everyone on the block that they were home.

Some online systems now allow you to limit such broadcasting of your activities. But for ones that offer no such privacy, politeness does not require that you answer every call simply because you can.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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