Miss Manners: Be prepared for comments when private news shared

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are both in our early 30s and have been married for three years. Finally, we have been able to get the engagement ring we have always wanted.

I knew that there would be mixed emotions from people in our social circle once the ring became public news, and since then we have received the wonderful and expected congratulations.

Unfortunately, we have also been met with sarcasm and critical remarks, such as, “Of course you were able to afford a ring – you don’t have kids!”

This comment hurts me deeply, as we have secretly struggled with miscarriages in the past. It also makes me feel that I am an outsider and like my hard-earned happiness is being trampled on.

I am not sure how to respond without being rude, but I am tired of being beaten down for my success.

GENTLE READER: Exactly how did your buying a ring become “public news”?

You told them, didn’t you – directly or through a social media posting, or both?

And by labeling it an engagement ring, you expected congratulations – not on becoming engaged, after marriage, but on acquiring a piece of jewelry.

Mind you, Miss Manners not only agrees that how you spend your hard-earned money is none of anyone’s business, but she even can understand that the illogic of calling it an engagement ring has sentimental charm for you and your husband. Had a friend happened to notice the ring, it would have been in a complimentary way, and you would not likely have been subjected to criticism for confiding that it is the engagement ring you never had at the time of your engagement.

But you made it, as you say, “public news.” And therefore you solicited reaction from the public.

Your response to criticism can be to say, “Well, it makes us happy,” stiffly enough so as to discourage further comment. Then you should resolve not to seek public approval of your private business when you are not also prepared to accept public disapproval.