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Annie’s Mailbox: Don’t contact father’s other children

Thu., March 6, 2014

Dear Annie: I recently decided to do a little digging into my past and started a family tree. While I was doing this, I came across information that my biological father had passed away some 10 years ago.

Annie, I had no contact with my biological father after the age of 2. He had an affair with my mother and then went back to his wife. I don’t even know what he looked like. In all honesty, I have no feelings about his passing. I have never regretted not meeting him.

The reason I am writing is that he had two children by the woman he was married to while seeing my mother on the side. I doubt they even know that my two younger brothers and I exist, especially since he went out of his way to deny having fathered us in the first place.

My mother suggested I contact these now-grown children and let them know about us. I do not think this is a good idea and prefer to leave well enough alone. Your thoughts? – Curious in Minnesota

Dear Curious: We agree with you to leave things alone. We assume you have relevant medical information about your biological father. Does your mother have a photograph of him so you can satisfy any curiosity you have about what he looked like? These children may deeply resent learning that their father had an affair that produced siblings, and developing a relationship with you could be too painful for them. If they do know about you, they can do the same search you are considering, so we’d let them make that decision.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@ comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

 

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