The Slice: Shooting blanks before the NCAA tips off

Odds are, at least a few college graduates in the Spokane area are going to learn today that their distant alma mater’s basketball team has been paired against a certain local church school in a first-round NCAA men’s basketball tournament game.

Sometimes it is interesting to hear from those suddenly facing potentially divided loyalties. With that in mind, The Slice is providing a fill-in-the-blank questionnaire.

Please complete and forward to Slice Headquarters.

• Well, I don’t think I have any choice but to root for (    ).

• I can’t (    ) believe that the only two teams I care about have to play each other in the first game.

• I hope the people at my workplace are going to enjoy hearing me say “Go (    )!” this week.

• I don’t give a flying (    ) about basketball.

• That’s nice, I suppose. But I’m sort of proud that (    ) is actually better known for (    ) than for sports.

• I’m actually more (    ) in the women’s tournament.

Slice answers: “My wife has been fond of ‘citizen’s arrest!’ ever since hearing it from Gomer Pyle,” wrote Dave Wolfe. “One place where she often uses it is in grocery store parking lots when shopping carts are left in parking spaces.”

Ken Carpenter wrote, “I would carry out a citizen’s arrest on the first man I saw flashing plumber’s crack. Women would be allowed two crack exemptions.”

It starts later this week: In your estimation, what are Spokane’s top three rites of spring? Backyard grilling? Bloomsday? Complicated salads? People revealing too much skin? Homeowners humming “I Fought the Lawn”?

Thanks: To all those who invited my wife to come over and play cards/board games.

(No idea what I am talking about? Well, whose fault is that?)

Warm-up question: Is “spring break” the conversation theme that most reliably reveals someone’s failure to grasp the socio-economic reality of life for a significant segment of the local population?

Today’s Slice question: In what circumstances do you address someone as “sir” or “ma’am”?