March 21, 2014 in Features

The Slice: First compare your fielding skills to Lucy van Pelt’s

By The Spokesman-Review
 

So you used to play softball.

Maybe you were not the best fielder. Perhaps pitchers did not fear you. But you were OK.

That was years ago, though.

Still, lately, you have been thinking. Maybe you will join a team and pick up your glove again.

Well, that’s up to you. But there are a few questions you might want to ask yourself first.

• Does the fact that you now bump your head into open kitchen cupboard doors suggest that perhaps your peripheral vision isn’t what it used to be and that the implications for your softball skills cannot be good?

• If you get short of breath coming up from the basement, is there a chance that your days as a terror of the base paths are now well behind you?

• If you still derive any portion of your sense of self-worth from your athletic abilities, might it be likely that an age-based reality adjustment would mess with your head?

• Remember what it’s like when certain members of your team take it all just a bit too seriously?

• Remember what it’s like when certain members of your team don’t take it seriously enough?

• Remember how much of the time softball resembles standing around doing nothing?

• If you already know that the throwing motion does not agree with your now-older shoulder, are you anticipating a miracle cure?

• Do you think you will still lose sleep over hitting a rally-ending pop-up?

• Is there a chance that the person in charge of your team will display fascist tendencies?

• Will this commitment cut into your weekend nap time?

• What if you wind up on a team of loud, freelance political commentators who shun you after you politely point out that they are misinformed?

• How many times have you watched “The Natural”?

• Is there a chance your teammates will assign you a nickname you can’t stand?

So there’s all that to consider. For starters.

Then again, you might have a lot of fun and meet some good people.

Batter up.

Today’s Slice question: How do you typically respond to being asked “Are you going to do anything fun this weekend?”

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. You have a look that would make you a perfect movie extra for a scene involving …


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