As most of you know, zombies are wreaking havoc across the United States.
“Shaun of the Dead.” “Zombieland.” “The Walking Dead.” It doesn’t look good, if you live in the South or on the West Coast. And that includes the apple eaters in Washington. Who tend to dis their Country Cousins from Idaho.
Washingtonians, however, won’t be laughing when zombies are eating their brains. And avoiding Idaho. No less an expert than Estately, an online real estate site, ranks Idaho as No. 4 among the states most likely to survive a zombie apocalypse. Quoth: “If a horde of zombies stumbles into Lewiston, Idaho, they’re going to have their hands full. Idahoans are physically active, heavily armed, and are hard to catch because they’re oddly really into parkour.”
Idaho ranks high in such zombie survival skills as martial arts, paintball expertise, gun handling and triathlon fitness. Idaho might be at or near the bottom on education spending, percentage of minimum-wage earners and teacher salaries, but what will any of that matter when the zombies attack?
Best mountain town?
Coeur d’Alene is accustomed to making best-of lists. Retirement community. Lakeside community. Hamburgers. But it came as a surprise when tourism writer Steve Winston and World Property Channel, a global real estate information company, recently named the Lake City as the nation’s “Top Mountain Town.” A Huckleberries Online wag commented: “Cobbled stone sidewalks and gas lit streetlamps. 7,000-foot mountains rising from the shoreline? Cool that someone ranks it number one, but their description makes me think they are confusing it with a different town.” Would you believe Best Foothill Town in America?
Poet’s Corner: “Oh, they waved their arms/and they flapped their jaws,/mumbled and ranted/and passed some strange laws” – The Bard of Sherman Avenue (“Song of the 2014 Legislature”) … Scanner Traffic (at 9:04 a.m. Friday): Coeur d’Alene officer in unmarked car learns that driver he pulled over for speeding called 911 to confirm that he’s really a cop. Responds officer to dispatch: “You’d think my uniform would give it away.” Dispatch: “Apparently not” … Poll: Controversial Councilman Steve Adams wants the city of Coeur d’Alene to drop its ban against guns at parades and festivals. But 78 percent of my Huckleberries blog readers want the ban to continue … Tweetable Tweet: “Idaho just raised its speed limit to 80 mph. Now you can get out of there even faster” – comedian Stephen Colbert (8:23 a.m. Friday) … Quotable Quote: “I’d rather take down a heavily armed fugitive in a small dark apartment than learn this social media stuff” – Wayne Manis, former FBI agent for North Idaho who has written a book about his career: “The Street Agent: The FBI Infiltrator Who Probed the Depths of American Terrorists” … If you receive a red-white-and-blue postcard endorsing conservative hard-liners for political office in Kootenai County, you might want to read the small print. The card is from the “KCRCC.” Kootenai County Republican Central Committee? Nope. “Kootenai County Republican Concerned Citizens.” And you can bet the confusion here is intentional.
Dan English, the former Kootenai County clerk who used to identify himself as the last elected Democrat at the courthouse, looked out of place at the Reagan Republican luncheon Thursday. He had two good excuses for breaking bread with the elephants. He was there to hear the debate between two Republican candidates for his old job. And he has affiliated with the Idaho GOP in order to vote in the closed GOPrimary this spring. Dan was relieved afterward: “Yes, I did eat – and without the benefit of a food taster. And apparently I survived.” We’ll wait for the recount.