May 2, 2014 in Features

The Slice: What will happen to your 2014 Bloomsday shirt?

By The Spokesman-Review
 
The Spokesman-Review photo

Paul Turner, Spokesman-Review columnist.
(Full-size photo)

The Slice had asked what local bicycle commuter has the most secure place to leave his or her bike at work.

“I park mine in the basement parking area in the U.S. Court House right across the street from you,” wrote my friend Hank. “An armed guard has to let you in. Nobody locks their bike up in the rack. But that doesn’t mean that your bike is completely safe. One time someone pranked me and decorated my bike with crepe paper and balloons, making it look like a clown bike. The guards swore they didn’t see a thing.”

Today’s Slice question: What is certain to happen to at least one Bloomsday shirt earned this coming Sunday morning?

A. It will be mailed to New Mexico as a Mother’s Day present. B. It will be pulled off in a beguiling way prior to adult activity. C. It will be worn while washing the car.

D. It will be worn as a sleeper by a small child. E. It will be worn to work on Monday. F. It will be carefully folded and placed in a special “Bloomsday shirts” drawer.

G. It will be worn to Hoopfest. H. It will wind up in Finland or Argentina where the person wearing it will be approached by a friendly tourist from Post Falls. I. It will be worn while painting the kitchen.

J. It will be worn after the owner loses 10 pounds. K. It will be worn to church. L. It will be worn to the lake.

M. It will be worn in a house, with a mouse. N. It will be stolen in a burglary. O. It will be cut up and incorporated in a quilt.

P. It will be repurposed as a sailboat pennant. Q. It will be worn by someone who seems to be making a statement by not having on a brassiere. R. It will be worn to the gym Monday morning.

S. It will be worn during a hike in which Bigfoot is spotted. T. It will be worn during Bloomsday 2015. U. It will be a worn as a Wiffle ball uniform.

V. It will be worn on a second and final date. W. It will be worn until it begins to disintegrate. X. It will be worn during a summer vacation far from Spokane.

Y. It will be worn while the wearer says “I love you” for the first time. Z. Other.

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. What are the chances of seeing your ex at Bloomsday?


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