On Bloomsday Eve, it’s something of a tradition here at The Slice to predict how participants will do on Sunday morning.
This year’s pre-race analysis is divided by runners’ names.
If your first name is …
Joe or Jim: You will do pretty darned well for a guy your age.
Caitlin, Kaitlin, et cetera: You will finish in under an hour.
Joshua or Jason: You will find yourself rethinking your decision to do zero training.
Lisa or Janet: The stroller will have a mechanical malfunction.
Ted or Tom: You will snort derisively when others say they are offended by your T-shirt.
Jane, Joan or June: Your grandchildren will seem slightly less feral than usual.
Jose, Manny or Frank: You will catch up to the elite runners and then wake up in the middle of the night and realize you are dreaming.
Ken or Kendra: The first seven miles will be the hardest.
Susan, Carol or Virginia: Watching the Kentucky Derby on TV will give you an idea about how to pace yourself.
Bob, Dave or Dan: You’ll survive.
Ann or Mary: You will come close to winning the race.
Anne or Patty: You will get locked in a portable toilet.
Diane, Debbie or Betsy: You will notice men looking at you.
John, Paul, George or Dick: You will have a fabulous day.
Julie or Jennifer: You will better your personal best by 10 minutes.
Shawn, Sean or Elwood: You will watch your kids having a blast and find yourself thinking life is good.
Kelly, Kelley or Kelli: You will vow to come downtown via STA next year.
Chris or Kris: You will be inspired by a good-luck text received just before the start.
Greg or Craig: You will accidentally body-check someone who looks like Gloria in “Modern Family.”
Marissa, Melissa: You will not lose your keys.
Kathy or Cathy: You will surprise yourself.
Everyone else: You will realize that, except for that heart attack guy, a good time was had by all.
Today’s Slice question: What goes through your mind when you see the sign below?
sponsored According to two 2015 surveys, 62 percent of Americans do not have enough savings to handle an unexpected emergency, much less any long-term plans.