Today The Slice presents a transcript of an exclusive interview with The Old, White Spokane Guy Who Isn’t Angry.
You won’t believe what he had to say.
Q: So how do you explain your ability to stay calm? Polls suggest you should be spending your days fuming about guns and gays or whatever.
A: First, I doubt that I am really such an anomaly. I think the media tend to pay attention to shouters. I’m not a shouter.
Q: So you don’t think everything was better way back when?
A: Well, soft drinks and tomatoes were. But I’ve never thought it is wise to totally romanticize the past. I like that my daughter had opportunities to be who she wanted to be, not who society said she had to be. And my granddaughters … just think what the future might hold for them.
Q: No grumbling about demographic shifts sweeping over the nation?
A: I try to make up my mind about people one at a time, meet them as they come.
Q: Yeah, but as an old, white guy, aren’t you supposed to spend all day online arguing with people using made-up names?
A: Look, I have had a good life. I have loved and been loved in return. I was rewarded for hard work. I have grown children who make me so proud I can’t begin to express it. Now I stay busy with all sorts of challenging projects. There simply is not this huge hole in my existence that I need to fill with anger. I don’t require rage to feel alive.
Q: So you are in denial?
A: No, and I have never yelled “Get off my lawn!”
Q: Do you take anti-depressants?
A: No, just a multi-vitamin in the morning.
Q: What do you think of popular music today?
A: It’s irrelevant to me. But I see where you’re going there. Look, I don’t expect everyone to make the exact same choices I made or live their lives exactly like I lived mine. Times change.
Q: But aren’t old, white Spokane guys all about protecting cherished values that made this country great before everything went to hell?
A: I can tell that you haven’t met my granddaughters. Trust me, the best is yet to come.
Today’s Slice question: How long has the person who cuts your hair been doing so?
sponsored According to two 2015 surveys, 62 percent of Americans do not have enough savings to handle an unexpected emergency, much less any long-term plans.