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The Slice: Better just order pizza and pop in a DVD

Paul Turner, Spokesman-Review columnist. (The Spokesman-Review)
Paul Turner, Spokesman-Review columnist. (The Spokesman-Review)

You might think that making the decision to buy a ticket to a concert or whatever would be a fairly simple matter.

Assuming you can afford it, you just have to answer a few basic questions.

Are you free that night? Is there someone who will want to go with you? Do you know where to go for the online presale? Do you really want to leave your good home?

Simple enough, right? Well, not necessarily.

For those with a long history of attending live entertainment events, other considerations come to mind.

• What if you wind up sitting next to someone who loudly sings along with every number, so you end up hearing more of the song stylings of Madge Fortescue than, say, Elton John?

• What if channel-flipping and Web surfing have damaged your attention span to such an extent that you can no longer focus on anything for two hours?

• Is there a chance going to the show will lead to another protracted war of words with the bandits who own the parking lot like after you went to see Neil Young at the Opera House (or whatever they call it now) in the fall of 2007?

• What if you wind up seated behind people who stand up for the whole show?

• What if the people sitting next to you smell bad?

• What if, about halfway through the show, you start thinking of other things you could have done with $150?

• If you go to dinner first and the service is slow, is it going to be another one of those beat-the-clock meals where you gobble your food as you race to get out of the restaurant in time?

• Do you want to not go and then risk hearing later that it was a show for the ages?

• What if you have an exceptionally long torso and have just about had it with hearing grumbling (about not being able to see) from the person in the seat behind you?

• What if a band you real ly want to see decides against coming to Spokane because you didn’t buy tickets to this other show?

Today’s Slice question: If you were going to eat a hot dog and your choices were to have it with mustard only or with ketchup only, which would you select?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email The Spokane occupation with the highest percentage of people wearing tight body-shaping underwear?