This means more skyways, right?
Please tell me that we’re not inviting the biggest, most extravagant sporting event in the history of the world to Minnesota during a February, and that we’re going to allow human beings to actually go outside.
So, it’s decided. By January 2018, as the Vikings knock icicles off the mustache affixed to Zygi’s statue outside the Ice Palace in preparation for Super Bowl BRRRRR, every business – no, every building, including shotgun shacks and ice-fishing huts – will be linked by a skyway, or a tunnel, or a human shield of Minnesotans who have volunteered to protect the uninitiated from air cold enough to freeze a nose hair.
Congratulations to the Wilfs. If you ever feel tempted to question their business acumen, remember this. They just sold frostbite to billionaires.
It’s not surprising that the Wilfs, the Vikings and downtown Minneapolis business leaders want the Super Bowl in Minneapolis. Their pockets will be lined, and with more than fur.
The question is why the average Minnesotan would want the Super Bowl here in February.
We don’t invite friends and relatives to Minnesota in February. Why would we invite the world?
Especially the portion of the world that wields laptops and cameras?
We know why we live here. We have attractive, livable cities, filled with cool buildings and good restaurants. We have a big river. We have good schools. Our summers and falls are gorgeous, and I am partial to both weeks of spring.
What we don’t have is a city fit for human habitation in February.
If football fans around the country want a taste of our winter, they don’t need to travel here. They can watch the next episode of “Fargo.”
Our business and political leaders wanted the big game here, to make money and raise awareness of our great cities.
We already have those events.
One is called the Major League Baseball All-Star Game. It will be played in July, at our beautiful ballpark, in beautiful weather, in an increasingly beautiful part of town.
The other is called the Ryder Cup, and it will be contested in the fall of 2016 at picturesque and pristine Hazeltine National.
Those events will broadcast to the nation that, when the tundra thaws, there are reasons to live in the Twin Cities. What the Super Bowl will bring is more jokes about habitrails and ice fishing.
We were better off being known for Jesse Ventura.
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