Here are some Frequently Asked Questions from young people who fear their summer will be a hollow shell of a season because they lack easy access to multiple drive-in movie theaters.
Q: Did people used to stare at their phones while at the drive-in?
Q: Is it possible to learn the facts of life without a drive-in practicum?
A: Certainly. There are all sorts of seminars, tutorials and work-study options.
Q: How much of what my grandfather says about his drive-in movie adventures should I believe?
A: Maybe 25 percent. But if he says he once wrecked a car window when he drove off without first removing the drive-in speaker, that might actually have happened.
Q: What did Mr. Bob Seger mean by “Workin’ on mysteries without any clues”?
A: He meant virtue is its own reward.
Q: So my generation did not invent fake ID cards?
A: Ah, no.
Q: Does the Inland Northwest lack the requisite summertime humidity to create fogged-up windows?
A: Humidity isn’t really the essential ingredient. It depends on a certain kind of pressure, and I don’t mean barometric.
Q: Will my teen years be complete without my ever having hidden in the empty spare-tire wheel well of a 1971 station wagon?
A: There are many ways to live a full, rich life that do not include sneaking into a drive-in theater.
Q: Does the phrase “taking liberties” refer to patriotism?
A: Well, in a certain red-blooded sort of way, yes.
Q: Did drive-ins all but disappear because Hollywood stopped making biker movies?
A: It had more to do with real estate investors wanting to realize greater returns.
Q: If you went to the drive-in movies in a brand-new car, what were the chances that a little kid would spill a milkshake in the back seat?
A: Approximately 100 percent.
Q: Should I assume some of my older relatives conducted themselves at the drive-in in ways they now regret?
A: Depends on how much they can remember.
Today’s Slice question: What actor or actress would be perfect to play you in a movie based on your life? (Feel free to choose more than one, to depict different ages.)
sponsored Jargon is confusing, by definition. And the financial world has its own set of cryptic words.