Child care-related costs negotiable

Dear Annie: My sister-in-law and I exchange babysitting for our young children. I have three under the age of 5, and she has two. It is mutually beneficial except for one thing: If the kids break something at her house, she demands that I pay for it. Recently this included getting her couch professionally cleaned after all of the children, not just mine, drew on it with pens. I was fine with footing the bill, until something at my house was damaged, and her response was to laugh it off and say, “Well, you should have been watching them!”

I do not appreciate the double standard. Is there some kind of rule as to who should pay for the damage? – Stuck with the Bill No Matter What in Oregon

Dear Stuck: If one child is unusually destructive or breaks something particularly valuable, the parents should make an effort to reimburse for damages. However, if all of the children play in roughly the same way, it’s simply the cost of doing business. Discuss this with your sister-in-law and agree that you either split the costs or no one pays. If necessary, put it in writing.

Dear Annie: The letter from “Unforgiven,” who inadvertently left her brother’s stepson out of her father’s obituary, touched my heart.

May I suggest that she offer to publish an anniversary notice in the newspaper, in which the stepson is not only mentioned, but invited to participate in writing? If that doesn’t soothe the sister-in-law, there’s more to the issue. – Sheila in Massachusetts