September 2, 2014 in Features

The Slice: There’s no cure for back-to-school blues

PaulTurner
 

Here’s a transcript of a quick Q and A with The Spokane Kid Hoping for a Snow Day on Wednesday.

As usual, you won’t believe what he had to say.

Q: Why don’t you want to go to school?

A: I prefer to continue with my program of independent study.

Q: Are you worried about getting shoved into a locker by a bully?

A: No. It’s just that my learning style tends to be a bit free-range.

Q: You realize, don’t you, that your teachers want the best for you?

A: Yeah, I know. It’s just that summer vacation seemed to last about two weeks.

Q: Have you made the connection between academic achievement and opportunity in life?

A: Sort of. But I mostly want to be popular.

Q: Are there mean girls at your school?

A: There are. Any chance there is going to be a vaccination for that anytime soon?

Q: How would you assess your study habits?

A: Well, I’m already behind on my homework.

Q: Does your mom or dad put notes of encouragement in with your sack lunch?

A: Yes, but when it’s an inspirational quote I don’t always get it. Who are Obi-Wan Kenobi and Henry V?

Q: So do you really think it will snow tonight?

A: Never mock the efficacy of prayer.

Memories of being a crossing guard (Part 3): Several readers mentioned the perks.

“I was a crossing guard in Bellevue in the early ’70s and did my duty before and after school many days in rain with my eyes on the prize,” wrote Jay Flexer. “At the end of the year all the crossing guards in the greater Seattle area got to miss school, and were bused to the Seattle Center for a free day at the Fun Forest (amusement park).”

Mack Stanhope was a safety patrol boy in Puyallup in the early ’50s. “The movie houses would let us in for free on Saturday afternoons.”

Slice answer (re: whether you go to more weddings or more funerals): “I shy away from attending either,” wrote Nick Suksdorf. “End of life events just make me too sad.”

Today’s Slice question: How did it go when one of your parents decided to give you a lesson in self-defense?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Feel free to tell about a time a seating chart changed the course of your life.


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