Annie’s Mailbox: Don’t quit marriage over bossy MIL

Dear Annie: I cannot stand to be around my mother-in-law. Since the day I married, “MIL” has been telling my wife and me how to live our lives. She issues opinions on everything from how to raise our dog and decorate our house to how to parent our baby. We can’t go one visit without her making numerous suggestions.

I have discussed this with my wife many times to no avail. I don’t feel it is my place to set her mother straight. I’ve told my wife that unless she speaks to her mom about her need to run our lives, nothing will ever change

How do I get my wife to understand that I don’t want to deal with this anymore? It stresses me out so much that I’m almost willing to end our marriage in order to get away from my mother-in-law. – Frustrated in North Carolina

Dear Carolina: Mom needs better boundaries, but unless your wife agrees, you aren’t going to get anywhere. Please don’t grant your mother-in-law so much importance. She has opinions. You don’t have to take them seriously. Practice nodding and ignoring her. When she comes over, welcome her warmly and then leave the room. It’s the type of diplomacy that couples have practiced for centuries. Your wife will appreciate your graciousness, and you’ll calm down.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Lonely Mother,” who said her children married and stopped visiting.

I married three years ago. I, too, didn’t visit my parents very often after that marriage. Here’s why: I was raised to believe it was rude to invite myself over. So I’d call to say hi, but was politely waiting for an invitation that didn’t come.

A year after my marriage, my mother commented that I rarely visit. I told her I was waiting to be invited. She was stunned. She never considered that possibility because I am her daughter and am welcome anytime. Once this was cleared up, I started visiting more. – Love My Mom