Doug Clark: Come for the rides, stay for the real-life inmate exhibit

It’s human nature, I suppose.

Some folks will always see the toilet tank jail wine as half empty, while optimists like me always see it as half full.

That explains why I’m so calm in the midst of yet another Spokane Interstate Fair escape.

Last Friday, a Geiger Corrections Center inmate walked away from his work crew detail at the fairgrounds.

Robert E. Reed was last seen leaving the fair wearing a white T-shirt and blue pants, carrying six elephant ears and a corn dog.

Sorry. I made up the elephant ears and corn dog part.

I feel like I can joke about this because I’ve read everything I can about the 46-year-old escapee and nowhere do I see the words “HOMICIDAL MANIAC!!”

I still get the shivers thinking about when criminally insane Phillip Paul took off from his mental hospital outing to the 2009 Interstate Fair.

Remember?

Paul, a paranoid schizophrenic, had viciously killed an elderly Sunnyside, Washington, woman in 1987. The courts ruled Paul was not guilty by reason of insanity and had him institutionalized.

The escape terrified the community. It made the national news.

The 47-year-old was finally caught in Klickitat County, but only after a costly three-day manhunt.

Even more disturbing, fair attendance plummeted while Paul was on the lam.

Reed’s no angel, to be sure.

But according to our coverage, he was “booked into jail on a charge of third-degree driving with a suspended license.”

So let’s compare the numbers.

1. Murdering a sweet senior citizen.

2. Blatant disregard for our motor vehicle laws.

No doubt about it, people. We’re making terrific progress!

Now, I don’t want to whitewash this Reed character.

The guy has six prior convictions for driving with a suspended license along with other convictions for robbery, assault, burglary, domestic violence assault …

Yep. He’s a louse, all right.

Still, any way you slice it, Reed’s no Paul. And we can all be thankful for that.

You know what part of the Reed escape story intrigues me?

It’s the part about how Reed removed the maroon top and safety vest that identified him as an inmate.

Maybe I’m out of the loop, but I had no idea there were uniformed inmate workers at the fair.

I go to the fair practically every year.

And right now I’m feeling like I’ve wasted a whole lot of time petting llamas when I could have been watching actual jailbirds do whatever the heck it is they’re doing.

Note to whoever’s running the fair:

Get with the program!

You folks are totally missing the boat here. Inmate workers could become an attraction even more exciting than staring agog at the giant malformed pumpkins.

I know what the fair officials will say.

They’ll point out that the fair already has plenty of unsavory characters who show up year after year.

Agreed. But they’re too busy running those midway carnival games nobody ever wins.

Think of the educational possibilities of setting aside a corral or perhaps replacing the quilt section with a Live Geiger Inmates Exhibit.

LITTLE GIRL – “Daddy, are those people in the vests bad?”

FATHER – “No, honey. They just made some naughty choices and now they have to take a timeout.”

LITTLE GIRL – “Can I share my taffy with them?”

FATHER – “No sweetie. What does the sign say?”

LITTLE GIRL – “It says, ‘Don’t Feed The Hoodlums.’ ”

FATHER – “That’s right. Now let’s go see the rabbits.”