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The Slice: Behind the moon, beyond the rain, near perfect

Paul Turner, Spokesman-Review columnist. (The Spokesman-Review)

I’m sure residents of other cities feel this way, too.

But have you ever noticed how many lines from “The Wizard of Oz” seem tailor-made for everyday use in the Spokane area? It has to be pure coincidence. Still, it’s uncanny.

Let me show you what I mean.

Suppose you are on the phone with a hostile, irrational person. Well, Dorothy has a quote you can employ.

“How can you talk if you don’t have a brain?”

And what residential neighborhood doesn’t have someone who occasionally sounds like the Wicked Witch?

“Just try and stay out of my way. Just try! I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog, too!”

Or suppose you are jousting online with someone who is getting angrier and angrier. Instead of escalating the name-calling, you could calmly cite the Wizard.

“You, my friend, are a victim of disorganized thinking.”

Consultants who parachute in to fix Spokane’s problems could quote the great and powerful Oz on their way out of town.

“I don’t know how it works! Good-bye folks!”

The list goes on.

If you suspect someone is simply being a mouthpiece for a powerful Spokane figure or institution?

“Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.”

About to set off on a family hike?

“Do you suppose we’ll meet any wild animals?”

You want to respond to a letter to the editor that strikes you as overwrought?

“My goodness, what a fuss you’re making!”

If you find yourself in the presence of someone who constantly refers to his or her advanced academic degree, you can make knowing eye contact with a like-minded person and mutter “Doctor of Thinkology.”

Someone comes to the door during dinner? “Who rang that bell?”

You are setting up a yard sale and find yourself asked about early-bird options? “Not nobody. Not no-how.”

And, “The Wizard of Oz” includes the perfect line for someone returning to Spokane from a vacation or business trip.

You know it. We all know it. Let’s say it together.

“There’s no place like home.”

Today’s Slice question: How did your “lucky” item of apparel earn that status?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Retirement Plan No. 26: Open British-style pub called the Moose & Marmot.

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