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This column reflects the opinion of the writer. Learn about the differences between a news story and an opinion column.

The Slice: It’s always cloudy in Grays Harbor

If you have been waiting for The Slice to offer a ludicrously subjective, history-free ranking of the names of Washington’s counties, this is your lucky day.

39. Grays Harbor. (Always think it needs an apostrophe.) 38. King. (Sounds a tad self-impressed.) 37. Yakima. (I prefer that the county and city have different names.) 36. Douglas. (Reminds me of “My Three Sons.”) 35. Chelan. (Lends itself to pretentious pronunciation.) 34. Benton. (Knew someone with that name who was a pain.) 33. Stevens. (Just doesn’t do anything for me.) 32. Franklin. (Same deal.) 31. Grant. (Needed something to be 31st.) 30. Whatcom. (Sounds like a hostile question.)

29. Garfield. (Tainted by the comics page.) 28. Mason. (Want to call it Mr. Mason.) 27. Lewis. (It’s fine.) 26. Clark. (Also fine.) 25. Adams. (I once lived in a dorm with that name.) 24. Lincoln. (No points for creativity.) 23. Jefferson. (Why not?) 22. Spokane. (See No. 37.) 21. Island. (Just the sound of it makes me jealous.) 20. Thurston. (I realize it is not named for Mr. Howell.)

19. Pacific. (Generic but nice.) 18. Pierce. (The action verb county.) 17. Columbia. (What’s not to like?) 16. Cowlitz. (Something to be said for crisp two-syllable names.) 15. Ferry. (Sounds like the Northwest.) 14. Pend Oreille. (Sounds like Quebec.) 13. San Juan. (Has a nice lilt.) 12. Whitman. (Not named after Slim.) 11. Walla Walla. (Pay no attention to 37 or 22.) 10. Asotin. (I would name a kid that.)

9. Klickitat. (Sounds R-rated.) 8. Kittitas. 7. Kitsap. 6. Skagit. 5. Skamania. 4. Snohomish. 3. Clallam. 2. Wahkiakum. 1. Okanogan. (These are all, quite simply, a pleasure to say.)

Idaho, your day will come.

Slice answer (Those who deserve to be called a humanitarian): “Vivian Winston was a wonderful humanitarian,” wrote Mary Joan Hahn. “Whether working on the Washington Higher Education Coordinating Board, Women Helping Women Fund or many other projects, her goal was always to make life better for others – to open doors of opportunity, or overcome barriers. She was a selfless advocate for so many!”

Today’s Slice question: What Inland Northwest high schools have the best/worst sports nicknames?

Write The Slice at P. 0. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Not everyone shares your views about afterlife.

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