Doug Clark: Lawsuit’s 10-cent payout just icing on her coffeecake

A windfall showed up in Joanne Martin’s mail the other day.

It came in an official-looking envelope, sent from a fancy Philadelphia accounting firm. Inside was Martin’s settlement from a big class-action lawsuit.

Funny. The 71-year-old Medical Lake woman didn’t even know she had been part of a big class-action lawsuit.

Martin tore open the envelope. She pulled out a serious-looking check and, quite frankly, couldn’t believe her eyes.

“$***0.10.”

Ten cents?

“Zero And 10/100 Dollars,” the check confirmed on another spot.

“My gawd, what idiots!” thought Martin, whose inner computer quickly figured the obvious. It cost way more than a dime to print and mail and process such a ludicrous check.

Not so fast, Joanne.

There was a time in this grand land when a dime was nothing to snort at.

John D. Rockefeller, one of America’s greatest oil mongers, made it his trademark to give away shiny new dimes to all the little people he looked down on.

And don’t forget that poignant standard, “Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?”

True, this song was a hit during the Great Depression. Today’s version would be more like, “Visa, Can You Spare 10 Grand?”

On second thought, Martin’s right.

What a bunch of idiots.

After the shock wore off some, Martin discussed the windfall with her friend, John Leach. The retired logging contractor gave her some extremely sound advice.

“Call Doug Clark.”

I love when people do the right thing.

And so on Friday morning, I drove to Medical Lake where I was treated like royalty inside Martin’s cozy, yellow home with the orange door.

We migrated into the kitchen. With me were Martin and Leach, Martin’s 92-year-old mother, Myrtle, and Suzie, a 14-year-old black Pomeranian that looks more like a miniature bear cub.

Martin, as promised, had the coffee brewing, hot and strong.

But in an unexpected twist, my host had baked an absolutely delicious coffeecake and served it warm from the oven.

Martin followed the recipe from one of her pride and joys: an original copy of Fisher’s Blend Baking Book. The 1944 edition contains 415 “tested and approved” recipes.

“The motto of this household is, ‘You come here and we feed you,’ ” Martin said.

An examination of the check confirmed it to be a settlement from “Hesse/Olson vs. Sprint,” the mega-wireless carrier.

A later Internet search took me to a site that attempted to explain what the case was all about.

“The lawsuit contends, among other things, that Sprint’s billing of the B&O Surcharge violated the B&O tax statute, RCW 82.04, et seq., and the Washington Consumer Protection Act …”

Man, that coffeecake was good.

I asked Martin to imagine how her life would change if the sweepstakes Prize Patrol showed up and she really did hit the jackpot.

Luxury car?

Nope.

Diamonds and jewels?

Nope.

Mansion on a hill?

“Who would want a better house than this?” she countered.

“When people come here they laugh and are fed. Who wouldn’t want to come here?”

Hey, you’re preaching to a member of the coffeecake-crammed choir.

Martin told me all about her life, how she taught school a while and then joined the U.S. Marines. That’s where she met her first husband, Ron, who died from cancer after 17 years of marriage.

She later married Bill, who passed away two years ago.

Martin has lived in her Medical Lake home 34 years. Her first bicycle is displayed in the front yard along with a tall flag pole where Old Glory waves.

Semper fi!

Martin has four kids scattered about. She said no windfall would make her any happier than she already is.

I believe her.

Yet the question remains: What will Martin do with her chump-change check?

I know what I’d do. I’d have the thing professionally framed and then hang it in a place of honor in my den.

Not this woman. “I’m cashing this sucker in so it’ll cost them a lot more than a dime.”

Then the dime will be added to a donation to the local food bank because, as Martin added with another well-contented laugh, “That’s what I’m all about.”