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Front Porch: CINDY awards, Inland Northwest edition

When I received an email notifying me that a local media group had won a silver CINDY award, I was puzzled.

I didn’t know I had an award to give, let alone one for “programming that achieves the highest levels of excellence in production value and message effectiveness.”

Turns out the CINDYs (Cinema in Industry) have been around since 1959 – a lot longer than I have.

Still that got me thinking, if I did give out my own awards who or what would be the recipients? So without further ado, I present the Cindy Awards.

Most Annoying Press Release: It’s a tie between the Adult Video News awards and a local politician who asks me for money. I’ve repeatedly blocked and unsubscribed to both of these accounts yet still week after week, their press releases appear in my inbox. As a friend said, “Politician, porn stars, like there’s a difference?”

Worst Radio News: On July 13, local radio host Ken Hopkins, part of the popular morning show “Dave, Ken & Molly” on KZZU 92.9 FM, was severely injured in a bicycle accident. Hopkins faces a daunting rehabilitation process.

Best Radio News: The Spokane community rallied around Ken Hopkins and his family. As of this writing, his GoFundMe site has raised more than $43,000, and on July 31, Ken Hopkins Day at Dutch Bros. Coffee outlets garnered almost $30,000.

Worst Word Used By Anyone Over 12: Amazeballs. Stop it. Just stop it. You’re a grown-up. Also give up on the awesomesauce, totes and whatevs. Okay?

Best Word Used by Anyone of Any Age: Thanks.

Most Fun on the Road: Recent road construction on the South Hill has reminded me of my endless affection for the Ray Street hill. Just coasting down its swoops and dips is enough to give you that roller coaster-ish feel. My kids used to say it tickled their tummies. It tickles me enough to make me throw my hands in the air and yell “Whee!” Let’s not mention this to the Spokane Police Department, though.

Least Fun on the Road: I had a “War Bonds” reading in Leavenworth a few weeks ago. I texted my husband, “Have half a tank. Should I fill up before I leave?” His reply? “Nah, half a tank is plenty.”

Have I mentioned that Derek is an optimist? I was on empty as I approached Cheney. I’ve never run out of gas in my life and I wasn’t about to start. I coasted in on fumes to a gas station at the Medical Lake exit. Bottom line: Never take the word of a tank-is-half-full-person – even if you’re married to them.

Best Chicken News: We are still coop-free! Derek planted a raised bed garden and it’s doing so well he thinks he may forgo the chicken coop plans in favor of a greenhouse.

Worst Chicken News: RIP Henrietta. The rubber chicken given to me by fellow columnist Stefanie Pettit is no longer with us. You may recall, when squeezed, a rubber egg emerged from Henrietta’s nether regions. The egg with its yellow yolk floating around in an opaque membrane was horribly disgusting, so of course Henrietta got squeezed a lot. Last week, while waiting for my computer to warm up, I absent-mindedly squeezed her. Disgusting chicken/egg liquid shot all over me, my desk and my computer. Henrietta had sprung a leak and my adventure in chicken ownership has come to a sad end.

Favorite Honor Received: It wasn’t an Oscar, Emmy or Pulitzer, but last year, I received the “Best Facebook Mom of the Year Award,” from a friend’s son. All I can say is it’s much easier to be a mom on Facebook than it is in real life.

Bad Cat News: Cecil the lion, shot by American dentist Walter Palmer. Palmer may have silenced Cecil’s roar, but the resulting backlash is proving to be far louder.

Good Cat News: Thor survived his yearly vet visit and so did we. Stress has an unfortunate effect on my kitty’s bowels, so this year I planned ahead and bought disposable pet diapers. Thor, the best-natured cat in the universe, let me diaper him, but unfortunately his pink polka dot piddle pants slid right off, so he went au naturel. The results weren’t nearly as smelly as they have been in years past.

Mr. Fix-it: Not going to lie – my husband’s going to get this award every year, and my son, Sam, will get the best Assistant Mr. Fix-it. On Sunday we came home after a long day to find we couldn’t use our Roku box to watch Netflix. Derek jiggled cords, Sam searched Google, and a trip to the store was discussed.

Our son, Alex, had left his TV with us when he moved to Texas last year. “Why don’t we just use Alex’s TV?” I asked. That comment was ignored while HDMI cables and measuring tapes were wrangled. A couple hours later, Derek announced, “Problem solved!”

How had he fixed our television crisis? He’d installed Alex’s TV in our living room. I think I should get an Honorable Mention.

This concludes the inaugural Cindy Awards. If you have categories you’d like to see added or feel I’ve missed a deserving recipient, just email me at the address below.

Who knows? Next year there may actually be a statuette to present, or perhaps a tiara to bestow.

Contact Cindy Hval at dchval@juno.com. She is the author of “War Bonds: Love Stories From the Greatest Generation.” Her previous columns are available online at spokesman.com/ columnists. Follow her on Twitter at @CindyHval.

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