Donation to anti-gay cause inconsiderate

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m not wealthy, but I’m quite well off and need nothing. Rather than give me gifts, several members of my family observe milestones in my life by donating to charities of their choice in my name. I appreciate the thoughts and always thank them appropriately.

In recent years, however, one couple has begun donating to charities that are anti-gay, to say the least, and they know I am gay. Would it be considered rude to tell them I find such a donation in my name to be very inconsiderate?

GENTLE READER: Not only inconsiderate, but also somewhat fraudulent. Miss Manners would go to greater lengths than you to stop someone from putting her name on a charity that she condemns.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother took my 18-year-old son out to lunch at a nice restaurant. She does this about once a year. After they finished their meal, a centipede dropped from the ceiling onto my son’s already empty plate.

The restaurant apologized profusely and offered two free desserts, which neither diner was interested in at the time. The restaurant then offered two free future desserts, which were accepted by my mother (who was paying for the meal). When they came home, he talked about the two of them going to the restaurant again to take advantage of their coupons. My mother said that as she had paid, both coupons were hers. He said thank you for the lunch and dropped the subject, but still feels that my mother was a little discourteous.

While I am pleased he didn’t complain or demand, I would like to tell him his instincts are correct as far as being a polite host goes. Are they?

GENTLE READER: Congratulations to your son for his impeccable manners and wise decision not to speak up. Miss Manners assures you both that his instincts were correct.

If your mother is going to split hairs, as it were, and attempt to bring ownership into this equation, she might have taken note that the coupons were a result of a centipede that descended upon your son’s plate, not hers.