Miss Manners: Leave some cupcakes for the adults

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiancé and I are having a cupcake tree instead of serving sliced wedding cake at our wedding, which will be held at our church, with all of the church members and their families invited.

A couple hundred cupcakes are about as expensive as the typical wedding cake, and are ordered with the number of attendees in mind, but there is typically no server and guests can take one when they desire.

On a typical Sunday after church, there are snacks served after the service. We have a group of children who are often unmonitored at this time who think nothing of swarming the snack table the minute the dish of cookies, coffee cake, etc., is set out. They grab multiples of the snack – often as many as they can carry, and many times come back for more, regardless of whether everyone else has had a chance to have some.

This is usually accepted and nothing is expressed openly against it, although occasionally I will hear an adult mumble unhappily about there being nothing left for the adults by the time they reach the table.

I would like to prevent this happening at my wedding. Is it acceptable to put a small sign in front of the cupcake tree asking guests to please take one? If not, how should I handle this with grace?

GENTLE READER: It would have to be an impressive sign to separate even reasonably well-behaved children from unattended sweets, particularly when there is a contrary tradition.

Miss Manners advises a more active intervention, in this case a caterer or family member who is willing to slip out before the service is concluded to gently advise the children that this time, we will be waiting for the adults to go first. Or just place the tree on a high table, out of the children’s reach.