Annie’s Mailbox: Discuss with neighbors why they won’t ride with you

Dear Annie: My husband and I are snowbirds in our late 60s. Most of our snowbird friends are several years older. We have neighbors in the North and in the South and we normally trade off taking turns driving back and forth.

Our dilemma is, we have a set of neighbors in our North home and one in our South home who will not let us drive them. I am an excellent driver. (My husband seldom drives.) Every time we plan a dinner out, one tells us that he “loves” to drive and the other claims it hurts her back to ride in someone else’s car. They refuse to get in our vehicle, which is a luxury car and quite dependable.

I know this is a control issue, but I don’t know how to handle it. To make up for being given a ride, I have treated one couple on occasion, but the other refuses any offers. Both parties live across the street from us and their stubborn refusal is putting a damper on our get-togethers. Any advice? – Snowbird Driver

Dear Snowbird: Let’s be clear – your objection is that you cannot reciprocate by driving, and one couple will not allow you to reciprocate in any other way. You need to discuss this honestly with them. Tell your friends that you are uncomfortable not being able to return the favor, and that they must allow you to repay them in some fashion, perhaps treating them to dinner at a nice restaurant or buying them a gift card to their favorite store. Your other option, of course, is to drive separately, saying that you prefer to have your own car with you (a reasonable statement), and that you will see them when you get there.