Doug Clark: Jail guards should be lauded for doing the dirty work

I couldn’t be more grateful for the amazing effort that was put in after the recent windstorm by those stalwart utility workers.

Avista is even distributing specially made decals to thank the 700 who labored courageously during this once-in-a-lifetime weather event.

These heroes deserve all the praise they can get for working round the clock in winter weather, cutting up fallen trees and installing miles of fresh line, new power poles and replacement transformers.

But today, I’d also like to give a thumbs-up to some other members of the local workforce, people who will never get a special decal or word of gratitude for what they do.

Let me direct you to the recent news story that caught my attention about a man who apparently rammed an undercover police car.

After Justin C. Hancock was arrested, the 32-year-old was taken to the Spokane County Jail, where, the story says, he was strip-searched by two corrections officers who discovered, and I quote:

“A bag of a substance appearing to be black tar heroin in his underwear.”

Now that, my friends, is a hard way to earn a paycheck.

What do you tell your kid when you come home after a long day and little Timmy or Suzy asks that innocent question that all children ask:

“What’d you do today, Daddy?”

Will you look into those sweet eyes and say …

“Honey, Daddy pulled a smack baggie out of a miscreant’s underwear.”

Not me. I’d lie and say Daddy works at the Post Office sorting letters from Santa.

But getting back to the story. I was puzzled why it took two officers – until I came up with a theory.

JAILER 1 – “Sarge. For the love of all that’s holy. Not again. I had strip-search duty all last week.”

JAILER 2 – “Yeah, but I did it yesterday. And that last guy they brought in hadn’t seen a bar of soap since Expo ’74.”

SERGEANT – “I’m not listening to you two bellyache any longer. Both of you, now, check out some rubber gloves and get in there.”

Or maybe having two strip-searchers is just jail protocol.

Either way, I’d rather dodge cars on Interstate 90 than go on a scavenger hunt for Jockey junk.

I don’t get it.

If we can put Matt Damon on Mars, why can’t someone invent a device that lets you look for contraband through a person’s clothing?

I’m kidding, of course. Every airport is riddled with those invasive machines that suck a lot of joy out of traveling.

I hate going through those things. That said, I’m all for loaning a few of these contraptions to the Spokane County Jail, where they might serve a more noble purpose.

“Step into the box, sir. Now put your hands over your head. Hey, is that a Glock in your pocket or are you …”

OK. I get it. Because of the dangers involved, I can see how searching individuals at a jail should remain a, um, hands-on endeavor.

And speaking of dangers, I don’t want to even speculate about the internal injuries that may have occurred from officers trying to suppress laughter after being told they had to go strip-search someone named Hancock.

But I would like everyone in the incarceration industry to know that I would give a handshake to all of you for the thankless job you perform.

Unfortunately, that won’t happen, because I know where those hands have been.

Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or dougc@spokesman.com.