That just ain’t right

Dear Mr. Dad: A few years ago, I read a column of yours that talked about grammar mistakes. I thought you were overreacting, but it seems to me that they’re getting more and more common. What’s worse, schools are contributing to the problem, sending out emails and newsletters that contain basic errors. If the schools can’t get it right, how are our kids supposed to learn? Should I just give up or is it worth fighting for proper English usage?

A: Don’t give up. Please. English is under attack and needs all the help it can get. Just to be clear, I have nothing against progress. If you’ve ever tried to read Chaucer or Shakespeare, you know that our language is constantly evolving. The way we use words changes over time and new ones are always cropping up (the Oxford English Dictionary adds or revises the definitions of hundreds of words every year). Just a few years ago, had you ever of hangry (being angry as a result of hunger), selfie stick, emoji, microaggression, butt dial, fatberg or manspreading?

Personally, I love that our language is always growing and developing. And I’m all for learning new vocabulary and usages. At the same time, like you, I find myself rolling my eyes and groaning when native English speakers make mistakes on things they should have learned in third grade. Sometimes the results are funny. Sometimes they completely change the meaning of what’s being said. Let me give you a few examples:

– Me vs. I. “Me and Jen will catch you later.” Or “Be careful what you say about Fred and I.” Sorry, as common as these are, they’re both wrong. “I” is the subject, the person doing something. “Me” is the object, the recipient of the action. The test? Reword the sentence without the other noun (person) and let your ear be the judge. “Me will catch you” and “say about I” just sound weird, right?

– It’s vs. its. “Its so funny when that monkey scratches it’s butt.” “It’s” (with the apostrophe) is always a contraction, meaning that two words – it and is – are joined into one. “Its” (without the apostrophe) is always a possessive, meaning it belongs to something. The test? If you replace “its” or “it’s” with “it is” and the sentence sounds right, you need the apostrophe. “It is so funny” passes; “scratching it is butt” doesn’t.

– Apostrophes with plurals. “Lots of mom’s and dad’s read my books.” Again, an apostrophe usually indicates a contraction. “Lots of mom is and dad is read” is clearly wrong. Regular plurals don’t need apostrophes. When referring to mom’s book, you need the apostrophe. But a group of moms (or dads or pigeons or violins) never need an apostrophe. One exception is when using abbreviations, such as “Oakland A’s.” We need the apostrophe because it replaces the rest of the word “Athletics.”

– There vs. their vs. they’re. “There” is a place (over there). “Their” is a possessive (their opinion). And “they’re” is a contraction of “they are.”

– Then vs. Than. “Then” is a time reference that indicates a sequence, such as, “We ate too much, then got sick.” “Than” indicates a comparison. “Now you know more grammar than many people.” Tip? The word “when” (as in “when did that happen?”) has an “e” in it; so does “then.”

There isn’t enough room here to cover all of the grammar and usage mistakes people make. We’d love to hear your favorites. Please email them and we’ll include them in a future column. In the meantime, be forgiving. Errors are incredibly common – and are no indication of intelligence.

Read Armin Brott’s blog at www.DadSoup.com, follow him on Twitter, @mrdad.