Game changer

Last Sunday started out well for Cynthia Hallanger.

She looked forward to downhill skiing, followed by the Super Bowl.

But at 49 Degrees North, Hallanger hit what she called a “death cookie” – a mound of ice obscured by a thin layer of fresh snow – and wiped out, severely spraining her wrist.

“Of course, my whole ski season flashed before me,” she recalled, sporting a hefty black brace.

Later, while convalescing, Hallanger watched Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson throw a goal-line interception, turning what looked like a sure championship victory into defeat.

Disappointments are inevitable. Skiers crash. One team had to lose Sunday’s Super Bowl.

As a certified life coach, part of Hallanger’s job is helping people move beyond misfortunes or obstacles.

During a recent interview, she discussed her own mistakes, and the value of focusing on the big picture.

S-R: Where did you grow up?

Hallanger: Mostly around Everett and Snohomish in Western Washington.

S-R: What were your interests back then?

Hallanger: I loved nature. I liked to read. I enjoyed roller skating and dancing to Elvis Presley when I was in grade school.

S-R: Did you envision a particular career?

Hallanger: I thought I wanted to be a social worker, but I was so empathetic that I knew that would be really hard for me. So instead I tried a variety of office jobs before ending up working on oceangoing tugboats out of Seattle. I did that for nine years, eventually becoming a second mate, which was unusual for a woman.

S-R: Then what?

Hallanger: I got involved with adult literacy, working with inner-city African Americans. That was really exciting, and I realized I was good at it. Later I traveled all over the state, training volunteer literacy tutors. Then I fell in love with someone from Spokane and moved here, earned a master’s degree in adult education, and started teaching at Eastern. Now I teach at Mukogawa Fort Wright.

S-R: What inspired you to become a life coach?

Hallanger: At 50, after 10 years at Eastern’s English Language Institute, I was ready for a change. Someone told me about a friend in Seattle who was a life coach, so the next time I was over there I had breakfast with her and thought, “I want to do what she’s doing!” I went through the same program, called the Coaches Training Institute – a series of intense, three-day workshops that taught a variety of personal growth skills and deep listening.

S-R: How long did that take?

Hallanger: A year for the basic training, and another six months for certification.

S-R: Then you announced you were a life coach?

Hallanger: I did. I worked with clients – starting with friends, of course – doing it part time. Then in 2001 I decided to cut my ties (with EWU) and go full time. It was a big risk, because I didn’t know anything about running a business, and didn’t do any research about the local competition. I just followed my heart. When I look back now, it’s kind of shocking.

S-R: How did it work out?

Hallanger: After a couple of years, I realized that trying to market something you can’t really explain is hard.

S-R: What would you have done differently?

Hallanger: I would have sought out other successful life coaches in this region, and noticed, “Hey, there aren’t any.” But I don’t have any regrets. Everything I learned has been helpful. Some of my Mukogawa students have told me I understand them better than they understand themselves.

S-R: Can anyone call themselves a life coach?

Hallanger: Actually, they can. There’s no legal definition.

S-R: Do most life coaches have a niche?

Hallanger: Yes. For example, leadership development and executive coaches focus on the business world. Others offer A.D.D. (attention deficit disorder) coaching. My clients tend to be intelligent, well-educated professional women who are stuck in old patterns and want help getting out of them.

S-R: In sports, the coach tells players what to do. As a life coach, do you tell people what to do?

Hallanger: No. And a lot of people don’t get that. I help people create a vision of what they want, identify their values, set goals and make plans. I help women get out of their heads and into action. But I’m not an expert about what it is they want to take on.

S-R: What do you enjoy most about coaching?

Hallanger: I like helping people shift their perspectives to achieve their goals. One client needed help standing up to her employer. She just sent me an email saying, “Thank you for helping me see my life in a different way.”

S-R: What do you like least?

Hallanger: The marketing – trying to sell myself. If I were a bookkeeper or hair stylist – something more conventional – I wouldn’t have to continually explain what I do. And I don’t work for just anyone. They have to be ready. It’s not my job to pull them along.

S-R: There have always been life coaches. We just knew them by different names.

Hallanger: And they were probably free.

S-R: How else are you different?

Hallanger: One thing is my level of commitment. I’m an ally, creating a partnership to achieve change. I’ve worked with some clients for a year or two, exchanging weekly emails and calls as they navigate the process. I wouldn’t feel comfortable going to a minister and saying, “Hey, will you take me on as your project?”

S-R: Are you friends with your clients?

Hallanger: I try to set boundaries. I go out for lunch once a year with some to check on how they’re doing. But it’s awkward when a former client says, “I hope we can be friends.” I’ve helped hundreds of people through coaching and workshops, but I don’t have time for hundreds of friends. For the same reason, I don’t say yes to Facebook with my students.

S-R: Does that boundary also help clients?

Hallanger: Yes, because friends are not going to hold you accountable in a strict way. If someone promises they’re going to exercise four times a week or confront their boss and then they don’t, their friends will cut them slack. I won’t. They get to decide how strict I am with them, but there are rules. And when people are paying, they tend to follow those rules.

S-R: Complete this sentence: “Life is full of disappointments…”

Hallanger: “… and it’s important to feel those disappointments. But it’s also important to move on.” When you have specific expectations – that your team will win or you’ll get a certain job or find a rich husband – that’s different than living with confidence and trust that, despite bumps in the road, things will work out in the long run. Who knows? Maybe the Seahawks’ loss will make them a better team next year.

S-R: After Sunday’s Super Bowl, Russell Wilson tweeted, “At 26 years old I won’t allow 1 play or 1 moment define my career. I will keep evolving.”

Hallanger: He’s a very wise young man. Disappointment is something to learn from, and then move on. I was devastated when I realized I couldn’t make a living as a life coach. But looking back now, I see how the chain of events led me to a place that’s exactly where I’m supposed to be.