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The Slice: Admit it: You secretly scope out the best tabloid headlines
When choosing a checkout aisle at a Spokane-area grocery store, what factors determine which lane you select?
(Please report your top five considerations.)
• Shortest line.
• Lowest estimated total of items in all the carts of those shoppers in line.
• You like the cashier.
• You find the cashier attractive.
• Avoidance of baggers known to be cans-on-top-of-the-bread/ bananas underachievers.
• Avoidance of a cashier who bugs you for one reason or another.
• Avoidance of shoppers who are coughing, sneezing, snorting, et cetera.
• Avoidance of lines populated by elderly shoppers.
• Avoidance of shoppers wearing pajamas.
• Avoidance of feral children.
• Avoidance of cellphone yakkers.
• Avoidance of unauthorized “service dogs.”
• Avoidance of lines featuring someone holding 61 coupons.
• You choose a line because you will be behind a Spokane celebrity and you always wondered what she smells like.
• Avoidance of lines populated by people you suspect will take forever to pay.
• Avoidance of that one cashier who always handles your newspaper as if she has never seen one before.
• Avoid getting behind those who might be zombies.
• You choose the lane that’s least like a certain scene in “Deliverance.”
• Avoidance of aisle with the bagger who looks like he has done time.
• Avoidance of shoppers wearing message T-shirts.
• You choose the checkout aisle giving off good vibrations.
• You go to the express lane, regardless of how many items you have in your basket.
Thanks. I will report the results of this survey next month.
Warm-up question: Ever climbed over a fence topped with barbed wire?
Today’s Slice question: What Spokane-area entertainment venue has the most comfortable or least comfortable seats?