Smart Bombs: Whatever, it could be verse
For most people, it’s “Whatever,” which for the sixth straight year won the Marist College poll as the most annoying word or phrase.
For me, it’s “No problem.”
You visit a business, issue a routine request and the worker replies, “No problem.” Whew! Wouldn’t want my desire for ketchup at a café to create a problem. So relieved to know it didn’t. Besides, how could there ever be a problem when whatever I say or do is met with, “Perfect.”
“Can I hang my coat here?”
“Perfect.”
“I’ll have the cheeseburger and fries.”
“Perfect.”
“On second thought, make it onion rings.”
“Perfect.”
“And chicken instead of the burger.”
“Perfect.”
“Thank you.”
“No problem.”
“Whatever.”
So imagine my surprise when my son and I recently walked into a Chick-fil-A in Arizona, placed our orders and the young woman responded with “My pleasure.” My “Thank yous” elicited the same.
I realize this is a trained response, but it’s so much more satisfying than “No problem.” It keeps the onus on their side of the transaction. It conveys that the only way this can go well is if she and her colleagues perform competently. My requests aren’t potential problems; they’re cherished opportunities to please.
I would’ve gladly accepted “You’re welcome” following a “Thank you,” but I can’t deny the Southern charm of “My pleasure.”
Unfortunately, a problem did arise, because she wrote down my name as Derek. So when our order was complete, a young man walked around calling the wrong name. Nobody responded, so I asked what kind of sandwiches he was toting. He responded with, “Are you Derek?” When I said I wasn’t, he did another lap, calling “Derek! Derek!”
Sensing a problem, a colleague jumped in and tried to help. I told her I was certain that was my order and I could provide confirmation if she would divulge the contents of the bag. She gazed at the receipt and replied, “Are you Derek?” Nope, and the young man circled the room again.
Eventually they realized their error, delivered our food and couldn’t have been more apologetic.
No problem.
Wailing and (G)Nashing. Some other words and phrases to top recent Marist College lists – and mine – are contained in the following doggerel.
Everything’s sustainable,
Hear my call.
A level playing field,
One size fits all.
Twitter blew up
at the end of the day.
It literally blew up,
but it’s still OK.
Isn’t it iconic –
don’t you think?
What happened to “famous,”
or merely “distinct”?
Lamestream media,
Talking points, lies.
A war on women,
It’s a no-brainer, guys.
With all due respect
get on the same page.
What the people want
is a living wage.
Haters gonna hate,
Think I’m just playin’?
I may not mean it,
because I’m just sayin’.