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Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Annie’s Mailbox: Shaming daughter is form of abuse

Marcy Sugar and Kathy Mitchell Creators Syndicate

Dear Annie: My 14-year-old daughter attends an all-girls school. Her stepfather initially encouraged it, but in the past two years, my daughter has made friends with a few classmates who say they are lesbian or bisexual.

My husband is extremely conservative (borderline homophobic), and as a result, he is shaming my daughter regularly for her friendships. I have a good bond with my daughter and feel torn. I know my husband cares about her, but his comments are hurtful. He says he will keep it up to make sure she doesn’t “become” a lesbian.

I’ve pleaded with him, tried to understand him and told him to stop, but it continues. – Is This Abuse?

Dear Abuse: Shaming your daughter is a form of abuse. Your husband sounds ignorant, homophobic and idiotic. Friendships with bisexual or homosexual girls will not make your daughter “become” a lesbian. But we guarantee that your husband’s bullying will push her toward rejecting everything he says.

You need to stand up for your daughter more strongly. Insist that you and your husband get counseling immediately to work on this. If he refuses and will not curtail this behavior, we recommend you take your daughter and leave the house. Your husband needs to understand the consequences of his actions, and more importantly, your child should not be subjected to such emotional abuse.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “G,” whose mother died and the headstone uses only the surname of her second husband. “G” was concerned that her children’s descendants won’t be able to find their grandmother’s grave because they won’t necessarily recall the second husband’s surname. Please suggest to “G” that she check the websites www.findagrave.com and www.billiongraves.com to see whether Grandma has a memorial. – A Genealogist

Dear Genealogist: Several readers mentioned findagrave.com, but you were the only one to list both sites.