Miss Manners: Present objection to phone calls with care

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I are in our 40s, and we have been dating for several years. While we officially maintain separate residences, we have an arrangement that I stay over at his place on the weekend.

My boyfriend’s sister, who lives in a time zone a few hours earlier, tends to call after 11 p.m. a few times a week. I do not think there is anything wrong with this when I am not staying over, as the only person this would bother would be my boyfriend, and he doesn’t mind the late calls.

However, when I am staying over, a late call does bother me – I am either in bed already, or close to it, and trying to wind down. I have raised this with my boyfriend, trying to explain that late phone calls are typically for emergencies, and he just says that’s the time that works for his sister and that’s how it works in his family.

Because I am only a guest, are the late phone calls something that I need to just put up with, or as a regular (and somewhat important) guest, can I ask that he gently ask his sister not to call so late on weekends (or he should arrange that he will call her)?

GENTLE READER: It would not be unreasonable to suggest that your boyfriend initiate the call in another room – or put his phone on vibrate. Or you could ask to say hello to her, which would alert them both to the necessity of finding a better time to talk privately.

However, Miss Manners would strongly advise you not to use this as an opportunity to assert your importance or otherwise get in the middle of what works between siblings.