Annie’s Mailbox: Don’t give up on your children
Dear Annie: I am a 51-year-old man and have been unemployed for the past three years. Last year, my wife asked for a divorce.
My question is: What can I do to revitalize my relationship with my three teenage children? I have to initiate all phone calls and texts. They never ask how I am. The youngest is forthcoming about events in his life, but my daughters require extensive questioning, and all I get are brief answers. I understand that they are angry with me, but I am trying my best to get a new job and move on with my life. Every time I see them, I tell them that I miss them, but only my son says he misses me, too.
It is so frustrating that I don’t want to do this much longer. I have started applying for jobs out of state so I won’t have to deal with the disappointment. I feel that they are trying to keep me out of their lives. If so, I should just stop trying so hard. I don’t like spending my days thinking about them and feeling hurt. What do you suggest? – Feeling Unloved
Dear Unloved: Please do not cut your children out of your life because they are angry and confused and taking it out on you. No matter how upsetting their behavior, they still need you. They also need to know that you will not give up on them.
Talk to your ex-wife. Explain how this hurts the children, and ask for her help in maintaining a better relationship – for their sakes. Your contact at this moment in time will reflect on their feelings for you in the future, when they are more mature and able to gain perspective. We know it’s hard. Please don’t make it permanent.