Grad invitation gets mixed results

Dear Carolyn:

My daughter graduates from high school in June, and I informed our family of the date this past September.

My stepmother called a couple of weeks ago and informed me that my dad was coming to the graduation and it would be a sacrifice, because he has a bad back and can barely walk as of late. She said she couldn’t come because a co-worker put in for the same time and it’s really difficult to get time off.

Today, my dad informed me that he and my stepmother are taking a two-week vacation next week. Miraculously, his back is feeling better and my stepmother can get the time off. He said she put in the request in January – four months after I told them the graduation date.

I’m stunned that all of a sudden my dad is better, and disappointed my stepmother doesn’t want to come to my daughter’s graduation.

Am I crazy to think this is rude? Do I tell them of my disappointment? Or just chalk it up to her preferring a vacation to being with us? Actions speak louder than words, and it feels like she doesn’t care about our family.

– What to Do?

Maybe she would rather vacation than see you, and maybe she doesn’t care about your family, and maybe she fibbed about his back and her time off.

But, maybe her co-worker did grab the June vacation time before your stepmother did, and nobody had spoken for the April/May weeks she wanted for their vacation.

And maybe Dad’s back has improved.

When someone hands you a piece of cake, you can be grateful for the indulgence, or you can be offended that you were handed just a piece instead of the whole thing.

You have that choice here. Your daughter is graduating, your dad will be there, and, hey, he’s feeling good and enjoying life with your stepmother – who may very well be dodging this graduation for all she’s worth, but also may not be.

That means you can choose to be grateful for what you have, or to reach for offense at not getting more.

I recommend the former.