Bride’s best pals didn’t bring gifts

Dear Annie: My daughter recently married for the first time. Her attendants were her three best friends. Their friendship goes back 20 years, and they still regularly get together for a girls’ night out.

My daughter attended all of their weddings. For each, she hosted a bridal luncheon. At her rehearsal dinner, my daughter presented them with necklaces and earrings, and her groom gave the groomsmen specially ordered gifts.

Can you imagine my shock to find out that none of these best friends gave the couple a wedding gift? Only the best man and one groomsman (the bride’s brother) came with gifts. There was nothing from the remaining groomsman, who brought a date. This man has known my daughter since childhood.

One of these friends recently made the comment that she has a year to give a gift. The same comment was made by the mother of the groom, who also showed up empty-handed.

What is wrong with these people? My daughter said it’s no big deal, but I know she is hurt. I cannot imagine attending any wedding without giving a gift to the bridal couple. – Appalled Mother of the Bride

Dear Appalled: Take a deep breath. We understand your frustration, but you are making unfair assumptions. It is not written in stone that gifts be brought to the wedding, although it is preferable to send one within three months. (Thank-you notes need to be written as soon as a gift is opened.) We also believe it is best if guests send their gift to the house, rather than bringing it to the wedding where it could be taken or lost or the card separated from the package.

Please don’t assume these people are ignoring an obligation to give your daughter and her new husband a wedding present. They deserve the benefit of the doubt, at least for a while longer. And under no circumstances should you be riling up your daughter about her guests’ generosity or lack thereof. These are her gifts and her guests, and she gets to handle the situation however she chooses.