Grandma mocked for table manners
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When individuals from different cultures marry and have different table manners, how does the one who finds the other’s table manners irritating or embarrassing politely convey a less offensive way for her or his partner to eat?
My grandmother from the Old South was offended at the table behavior of my Connecticut Yankee grandfather, whose family had been dirt farmers. Grandpa ate his peas with his knife. Her approach was to turn a cold shoulder, which only made him laugh loudly and hum “The Battle Hymn of the Republic.”
Do you have any advice that could have saved their marriage? It ended in divorce.
GENTLE READER: So you see where bad manners can lead. Wars have been started over less. A husband who knowingly irritates his wife in the name of cultural customs is not likely trying to keep her.
Beware of cultural practices that are used to vex others – or extract money from them. (Eating with your knife is never polite – not to mention, highly dangerous.)
Marriages with different cultures and legitimate customs must set ground rules. Anything so annoying that it leads to divorce should be high on the list for elimination.
Miss Manners certainly acknowledges regional etiquette differences, but – particularly where there are children involved – advises giving preference to the manners of the society in which the family resides.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is proper etiquette when working in an office while sick?
GENTLE READER: To avoid it.
If it is absolutely necessary – and you cannot work from home – then try to keep to yourself and politely avoid contact with others, delicately explaining your situation (graphic descriptions and/or demonstrations are not allowed).
Miss Manners would also like to add that the correct response to hearing that someone is ill is, “I’m so sorry you’re not feeling well,” and not, “Eww. Get away from me!”