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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Carolyn Hax: Wedding trumped by baseball game

Washington Post

Dear Carolyn: I am a bridesmaid in my cousin’s wedding on July 4. Save-the-date cards were mailed a year and half in advance. My boyfriend has known about it since the card was received.

His parents just informed him they plan to visit that weekend. They visit a few times a year, stay in a hotel and mostly do their own thing, but they’ll meet up for dinner, a show, lunch, etc. This weekend happens to be an exception, as they bought tickets to a baseball game for the four of us that weren’t exactly cheap.

It’s obviously out of the question for me. My boyfriend wants to go, which would mean he wouldn’t go to the wedding.

I am not sure if I should be feeling angry, upset or frustrated. On one hand, his parents were wrong for making plans without checking, but on the other hand, he is close to his parents.

Should I just tell him to go to the game and have fun? Am I being selfish for wanting him to come to the wedding with me? – G.

DEAR G.: The right response to his parents was, “Sorry, G. and I will be at a wedding the weekend of the Fourth.” They can resell the extra tickets online or at the stadium, with any money they lose serving as a consequence of not checking with you first.

Since you hadn’t RSVP’d to the wedding yet, and since it’s possible you’d have a better time flying solo, then it also would have been OK for your boyfriend to hedge.

If you trusted him to turn his parents down, no sulking, then you probably would have been the one to urge him to go to the game. So whether you feel frustrated or generous hinges entirely on your boyfriend’s respect for what you and he share.

It’s also important for you not to say, “OK, go to the game and have fun,” just because that’s the cool-girlfriend thing to do even though you’re harboring resentment. Hiding how you feel is how love dies. You think he backed the wrong horse here? Then say so.