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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Miss Manners: How do I deal with talking during a concert?

Judith Martin And Jacobina Martin Universal Uclick

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I attended the opening performance of a major orchestra. We had excellent seats and were seated with five other couples we did not know.

Three of those couples spoke multiple times during the performance. I was at a loss about what to do. Whispering during movies is so common now that I know that I’ve lost that battle, but I’m not ready to give up the fight at a performance of one of the finest orchestras in the world.

Would it be appropriate to make a general statement to our box before the performance begins? Something like: “I’m sure nobody in this box would think of it, but let’s all agree not to whisper to our companions during the performance.”

Or would it be more appropriate to wait for the intermission and speak directly to anyone who has spoken during the first piece?

GENTLE READER: The best defense is a good offense, but that said, the approach you’re considering is just slightly condescending and prissy.

Instead, you might tell a cautionary tale of the aforementioned event in which people were so brazen as to speak during the performance. This will make your point without directly implicating your new companions.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do you think that wearing sunglasses and/or a headset when you visit friends at their home is appropriate? Walking down the street, is it appropriate to wear your headset while listening to music or answering the phone?

My friend thinks it’s OK because that’s the way he was brought up. When I tried to explain to him that it’s rude, he got upset at me.

GENTLE READER: Goodness knows that the way one was brought up isn’t an excuse for rude behavior. It is often, as in this case, the culprit.

Wearing a headset or sunglasses while in someone’s home is impolite (unless the latter is for medical reasons). Walking down the street with them is not.