The Slice: The grass is real, and it’s spectacular

When passing strangers see you mowing your lawn, what goes through their minds?

A) Missed a spot.

B) Worst hat ever.

C) That person’s body does not give me any ideas.

D) He fought the lawn and the lawn won.

E) Does she really need a riding mower for that yard?

F) “Another Pleasant Valley Sunday.”

G) Xeriscaping is the way to go in this climate.

H) My kid is better at cutting grass than that guy.

I) The monsters are due on Maple Street.

K) He shouldn’t do that while holding a coldie.

J) “Summer, she’s comin’ on strong.”

L) Hubba hubba, et cetera.

M) Other.

Rejected ArtFest pickup lines: “Want to see my impression of a bull marmot?”

“I put the craft in craft beer.”

“How ArtFest thou?”

“I thought this was Pig Out.”

“Care to explore the wonders of my beard?”

“Were you in a band?”

“You may call me Uncle Fester.”

“Want to see me pull a scented candle out of my hat?”

“I doff my ballcap to thee, m’lady.”

“Weren’t we in the same class at Wilson Elementary?”

“Aren’t you that waitress I tried not to stare at?”

“Want to hear my impression of Gary Crosby?”

“Hi, I’m the mayor of Browne’s Addition.”

Re: Last Saturday’s item about caring for elderly pets: “We just said goodbye to our oldest cat,” wrote Ellen Sherriffs. “You don’t realize how many accommodations you make for these old and cherished friends until they’re gone.”

And Tara Leininger shared this. “Now, all those years later, I still look back on our years with her and know that some of the sweetest were taking care of a very old, spoiled, and much loved cat.”

Today’s Slice question: If someone suggested to you that Spokane is a city of people who have never traveled, what would you say to quickly obliterate that assertion?