Doug Clark: Take this quiz to test your winter-readiness

The temperature’s dropping. The tires are changing.

You know what that means.

Yes, it’s time to test your Spokane winter readiness.

Circle the answer that best suits your attitude regarding polar preparedness. We’ll add up our snowballs at the end of the quiz.

1. Winter in Spokane officially begins…

A. On Dec. 21. (2 snowballs)

B. The first time it snows over 6 inches. (5 snowballs)

C. The moment Tom Sherry starts hyping his “Turkey Drive.” (10 snowballs)

2. Do you participate in Coats for Kids?

A. Yes. I gave four coats last year. (2 snowballs)

B. No. But I plan to give a coat this year. (5 snowballs)

C. Coats? Oh. I thought it was Goats for Kids and wondered, “Why do kids need so many goats?” (10 snowballs)

3. To prepare for the coming snowy Inland Empire onslaught, I just bought …

A. An extra snow shovel. (2 snowballs)

B. A larger snow blower. (5 snowballs)

C. A condo in Arizona. (10 snowballs)

4. According to my experience, most winter driving accidents are caused by …

A. Going too fast for conditions. (2 snowballs)

B. Not paying attention. (5 snowballs)

C. Jackass Californians. (10 snowballs)

5. Nothing gives me a warm and squishy feeling during a Spokane winter, like …

A. Putting up the outdoor holiday lights. (2 snowballs)

B. Putting up the family Christmas tree. (5 snowballs)

C. Putting on my studded snow tires and tearing up all the newly paved roadwork. (10 snowballs)

6. Speaking of winter traditions, when should Santa arrive at the malls?

A. Day after Thanksgiving. (2 snowballs)

B. Week before Thanksgiving. (5 snowballs)

C. Depends on when Santa’s criminal background check clears. (10 snowballs)

7. My most memorable Spokane winter pastime was …

A. Surviving Ice Storm ’96. (2 snowballs)

B. Telling everyone about Ice Storm ’96. (5 snowballs)

C. Punching out that blowhard who wouldn’t shut up about Ice Storm ’96. (10 snowballs)

8. I never venture out in the winter chill without …

A. Thermal gloves. (2 snowballs)

B. Thermal long johns. (5 snowballs)

C. Thermos of Fireball Cinnamon Whisky. (10 snowballs)

9. My proudest Spokane winter moment was …

A. Shoveling my aging neighbor’s sidewalk. (2 snowballs)

B. Volunteering as a Salvation Army bell ringer. (5 snowballs)

C. Writing the names of the entire Spokane City Council on my snow-covered backyard. (10 snowballs)

10. Thanks to “Super El Nino,” Spokane’s winter will be …

A. Wetter. (2 snowballs)

B. Wetter and warmer. (5 snowballs)

C. No matter how it turns out, it’ll still be 180-degrees from whatever the local TV weathercasters forecast. (10 snowballs)

11. This winter I’d give anything to witness a real miracle, like …

A. St. Nick and his reindeer. (2 snowballs)

B. The Abominable Snowman. (5 snowballs)

C. A city snowplow in my neighborhood. (10 snowballs)

12. Spokane tourism boosters launch new campaign for Winter 2015:

A. Snow Place like Spokane. (2 snowballs)

B. Near Nature. Near Numb. (5 snowballs)

C. Black Ice Matters. (10 snowballs.)

OK. Let’s tabulate our scores and see what they mean.

If you accumulated under 30 snowballs you are stiffer than a frozen blanket and have an excellent chance of becoming the next CEO of Greater Spokane Inc.

A score of 60 or less means you’re about as cheerless as a Starbucks red holiday cup. You’ll probably survive the winter, but are unlikely to be invited to your own office Christmas party.

Scoring 100 snowballs and up is a great indication that winter is your time to shine like the bloodshot eyes on a besotted elf.

Your chances of setting the car jump distance record while driving down Freya Street hill have never been better.

Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or by email at dougc@spokesman.com.