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The Slice: Staring into the gaping maw

Today The Slice presents a transcript of an exclusive interview with The Spokane Guy Who Talks With His Mouth Full.

Just in time for our most food-focused holiday.

You won’t believe what he had to say.

Q: So you are aware that you do this?

A: Oh, yes. I have been hearing about it since I was a tyke. “Don’t talk with your mouth full!” Heard it a million times.

Q: So why do you persist?

A: Because I like to talk. And I like to eat. Sometimes I do both at the same time. Sue me.

Q: But you can see how people would find this repellent, right?

A: Not really. I think, if you did a survey, you would find that lots of people talk with their mouths full. It’s natural. It’s normal. It’s convivial.

Q: Those aren’t the only words that come to mind. Can’t you just swallow your food first?

A: See, that’s the thing. I like to get my 2 cents in right away. Someone says something crazy, I want to come right back at ’em. If you wait, you wind up giving ground on an argument. And by the time you have gagged down your mashed potatoes or bite of pumpkin pie, the conversation might have moved on.

Q: But can’t you get back into it immediately after you have swallowed?

A: What? And interrupt someone else who now has the floor? That’s rude.

Q: So should people just avert their eyes?

A: No, people should listen to my opinions.

Q: Thanks.

A: Happy Thanksgiving.

Please describe your attitude about hat hair: A) I wear it with pride. B) Avoid it at all costs. C) I’m bald. D) What’s a hat? E) Other.

Pounds of formidability: In an email exchange, I asked one of my correspondents how he was feeling.

He said he was doing great, adding “I could lick my weight in alley cats or marmots.”

Is that a plausible claim?

Maybe it depends on how much my correspondent weighs.

From The Slice on this date in 1994: Today’s Slice question: For what are you especially thankful?

Today’s Slice question: What sort of reviews does Spokane get from your visitors who had not ever been here?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. What was your first inkling that we were in for some astonishing weather last Tuesday?

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