Live ones hear how to remain that way at REI

So it turns out dealing with the end of the world as we know it might be a lot like coping with a decidedly less exotic disaster.

At least that’s what the 50 or 60 alive and well people attending the “Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse” program heard Thursday night at REI.

Of course, the audience at the North Side store also heard how to recognize the telltale stages of decomposition. (Watch for bloat.)

Other signs Uncle Bob has joined the ranks of the undead? Moaning, horrible stench and stumbling. Lots of stumbling.

Dressed in a T-shirt, shorts and sandals, longtime store employee Kurt Perrigo presented the program with a blend of humor, solid survival information and perspectives he admitted might best be regarded as “theoretical.”

“Remember, a newer zombie may not stink all that much,” he told his audience.

Words to live by.

The idea for the zombie preparedness program came from Southern California, where it was a hit at other REI locations, said Carol Christensen, outreach market coordinator at the Spokane outdoor outfitter.

“What does a vegan zombie say?” she asked those gathered in the store’s community room. “Grrrrrains.”

Spencer Wharton, a Gonzaga University grad student studying mental health counseling, was the first arrival. He said he thought it might be good to learn some preparedness skills. “And the zombie theme just seemed like it would be fun.”

The audience included children, young men in trendy beards (they could come in handy if a reanimated corpse tried to eat your neck) and people old enough to have white hair.

The truth is, Perrigo faced a challenge. He wanted to present his audience with some useful information. Yet he still strove to stick with the evening’s theme.

So there was a fair amount of survival tips with tacked-on references to a zombie apocalypse.

Really though, what exactly was he supposed to do? The whole zombie thing has been a decadeslong cultural phenomenon, perhaps peaking with blockbuster ratings for TV’s “The Walking Dead.” But have you read about any actual deceased people sitting up and feeling peckish?

Perrigo tried to play it straight without being ridiculous. But the audience was subdued as one garden-variety survival tactic led to another.

Then he started talking about dead bodies up to no good, and his listeners perked up.

“You’ll notice zombies’ skin color,” said Perrigo. “They just don’t have a healthy glow.”

By the time people left, they had soaked up a little entertainment and a little good advice.

Said Perrigo, “Flashlights and batteries don’t do any good if you don’t know where they are.”