Dear Annie: Live-in daughter doesn’t have to live for mother
Dear Annie: I am currently unemployed and living with my parents. Because I have a disability, I am unable to do many of the jobs available locally. Besides my family, I am currently working with several people at the local Department of Labor to find a job related to my degrees – one that will help me start a career. My family wants me to get any job.
One of the local nursing homes has several openings for certified nursing assistants. With the exception of my parents, no one sees this as a good fit for me. After all, my mother is on the nursing home’s board. As a result, I’m sure that I would hear about every mistake I made during dinner if I got the job.
My mother is so obsessed with my applying. She asks me several times every day whether I have completed the forms. I’m losing it. I don’t know how long it will be before I crack. What should I do? – Going Nuts
Dear Going Nuts: I gather Mom is a wee bit on the overbearing side. Your circumstances might mean you have to live with her, but that doesn’t mean you have to live for her. Stand up to her and find your own career. The time out of the house, building your own life, will be invaluable to your sanity.
Dear Annie: My wife and I divorced in 2007 after 33 years of marriage; after the kids moved out, she realized she didn’t love me anymore. I’m writing because I have a crush on a woman with whom I’ve been friends for 40 years.
Her late husband was a very good friend of mine. My now-ex-wife and I used to socialize with them as couples. He and I hunted and fished and talked about everything in that special way you can when you’re on a boat, no one else listening. Our wives did their own things together.
They were married for 25 years, until he passed away in 2013. At his funeral, we said our goodbyes, and she insisted on walking me to my vehicle, which was a block away. We hugged, and she said, ”Don’t be a stranger. Maybe we could go out to dinner.” So I waited six months or so and asked her out to dinner. She accepted, and since 2014 we have been going out twice a month and spending Christmas, New Year’s Eve and both our birthdays together. I always pay, except on my birthday; then she insists on buying.
I haven’t been in a rush, but lately I find myself attracted more and more. When our evenings are over and I take her home, we exchange a handshake or a peck on the cheek, and I respect her too much to push more of an advance than that.
She is 60, and I am 65. She works full time, and I’m semi-retired. I haven’t dated since I was very young. Do I stay the course? – Unfamiliar Waters
Dear Unfamiliar: Stay the course, sailor. The conditions look perfect. You two could offer each other companionship as you glide into your golden years.
Birthdays, holidays and biweekly dinners together? You two must be best friends. That is a wonderful foundation for a relationship, and it sounds as if you’re already going through many of the motions of dating. Make your intentions known by asking whether she would like to go on a date. One of the upsides of dating at 65 versus 16 is maturity and understanding. If you ask her out and she’s not interested, you can stay friends. No awkwardly dodging each other in homeroom.
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