Carolyn Hax: Allowing roommate’s cat limited her options

Hi, Carolyn: It’s a long story so please bear with me! My roommate and I are friends, and we decided to live together. I knew she had a cat but it was living at her parents’ house. I’m allergic and our lease won’t allow pets.

However, my roommate decided at the last minute to bring the cat to our apartment, and because I’m too nice, I decided to give it a try with the caveat she cleans and the cat stays off the furniture.

Not only did that not happen, but my allergies increased. I told my roommate I couldn’t deal with the cat and she had to either send it back home or keep it in her bedroom. She agreed to sequester it in her bedroom. Now she’s saying the cat is depressed and if she can’t let her out, then she’ll move out.

I’m not thrilled with the prospect of living with someone I don’t know. Our landlord has a one-bedroom available for move-in next month and agreed to let me out of my lease to take it.

But that would leave my roommate to either find someone else or pay the rent herself. I feel like I’m putting her in a tough spot, but I also feel like it’s the result of her refusal to be reasonable. Do you think I should move or stick it out until the end? – L.

This is not a long story, it’s a short one: “too nice.”

Yes, your roommate helped make this mess by bringing a cat into a no-pets apartment with a pet-allergic roommate.

But these facts gave you even more standing to say “Absolutely not” to the cat, and yet you didn’t. Instead you tried to say “no” but said “yes.”

Now you have to lie in the dander-bed you made: You either let her move or beat her to it. “I like living with you and want to stay roommates, if you’re willing to keep the cat at your parents’. If not, I have an apartment for myself lined up – I’ll pay my share of this rent for a month to give you time to find someone new.” Whoever moves owes the other one that much, even though she’s the one breaking rules. You allowed it, so you take your hit.

However this ends, please find your inner “no.”